As a parent, you spend your entire life trying to protect your
children. You provide them with the very best you can; you hope they
learn from your mistakes. It’s so easy when they are young and a simple
“because I said so” is reason enough.
How, then, do you wrap your head around the fact that your 30-year-old, happily married son has taken his own life? After the initial shock, you review every single decision you ever made with regard to him. “If only” becomes your mantra. Then you look back at his life and remember that he was the most trusting, caring, creative and intelligent human being you’ve ever known.
You want to know what went wrong.
Our son Daniel enlisted in the Army National Guard in 2003. We were proud, though a bit frightened for him, but he was reassuring and confident that it was the correct path. He went to war as a member of a Tactical Human Intelligence Team. He celebrated his 21st birthday at Fort Hood in Texas, then deployed to Iraq for 13 months.
He came home a chain smoker, a habit he had developed to “fit in” with the Iraqis with whom he interacted. He was jittery and cautious. He would tell a story or two or relate a particular incident, but he frequently said that much of his tour was classified and that he would tell us about it “in 10 years, when it’s declassified.” He expressed a desire to return to Iraq to continue helping, and he was proud when he told us that he had qualified to study Arabic at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, Calif., a 15-month course.
In June 2006, his National Guard unit assigned him to a position with L-3 Communications, a large defense contractor, in Washington, D.C. About six months later, he told us that L-3 needed someone to go to Iraq to provide analysis, and that he had volunteered. He seemed so happy to have been given this chance to go back and help. He deployed in early 2007. We found out later that he also participated in many Special Operations missions.
Daniel returned home in the fall of 2007. In conversations over the next few months, he told us that he had made several attempts to get medical treatment for an array of health problems. Because his National Guard unit was still in ready reserve status, the Veterans Affairs Department medical center in Phoenix refused him treatment because he was not yet officially a veteran. The local Defense Department health care facility denied him services because he was not on active duty. He told us that he had suffered innumerable concussions in the course of more than 400 missions in the turret of a Humvee. He spoke of having flashbacks, and he appeared tense and nervous in person.
But for the most part, he hid the severity of his symptoms from us. When he was finally deemed eligible for veterans benefits, he began treatment at the Phoenix medical center in February 2008. There, he was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury, and given a disability rating of 40 percent. By the end of that year, Daniel was so frustrated with the problems with his care, including long wait times for appointments and turnover in health care providers, that he sought treatment from outside providers at his own expense. From time to time he attempted to re-enter the Veterans Affairs system, only to experience the persistent problems of access and availability.
Daniel took his own life on June 10 of this year, a block and a half from his Phoenix home. He left the family a letter listing the many roadblocks to care he had encountered in the Veterans Affairs system.
How, then, do you wrap your head around the fact that your 30-year-old, happily married son has taken his own life? After the initial shock, you review every single decision you ever made with regard to him. “If only” becomes your mantra. Then you look back at his life and remember that he was the most trusting, caring, creative and intelligent human being you’ve ever known.
Courtesy of Howard and Jean Somers Daniel Somers at his graduation from the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, Calif., in June 2006.
You want to know what went wrong.
Our son Daniel enlisted in the Army National Guard in 2003. We were proud, though a bit frightened for him, but he was reassuring and confident that it was the correct path. He went to war as a member of a Tactical Human Intelligence Team. He celebrated his 21st birthday at Fort Hood in Texas, then deployed to Iraq for 13 months.
He came home a chain smoker, a habit he had developed to “fit in” with the Iraqis with whom he interacted. He was jittery and cautious. He would tell a story or two or relate a particular incident, but he frequently said that much of his tour was classified and that he would tell us about it “in 10 years, when it’s declassified.” He expressed a desire to return to Iraq to continue helping, and he was proud when he told us that he had qualified to study Arabic at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, Calif., a 15-month course.
In June 2006, his National Guard unit assigned him to a position with L-3 Communications, a large defense contractor, in Washington, D.C. About six months later, he told us that L-3 needed someone to go to Iraq to provide analysis, and that he had volunteered. He seemed so happy to have been given this chance to go back and help. He deployed in early 2007. We found out later that he also participated in many Special Operations missions.
Daniel returned home in the fall of 2007. In conversations over the next few months, he told us that he had made several attempts to get medical treatment for an array of health problems. Because his National Guard unit was still in ready reserve status, the Veterans Affairs Department medical center in Phoenix refused him treatment because he was not yet officially a veteran. The local Defense Department health care facility denied him services because he was not on active duty. He told us that he had suffered innumerable concussions in the course of more than 400 missions in the turret of a Humvee. He spoke of having flashbacks, and he appeared tense and nervous in person.
But for the most part, he hid the severity of his symptoms from us. When he was finally deemed eligible for veterans benefits, he began treatment at the Phoenix medical center in February 2008. There, he was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury, and given a disability rating of 40 percent. By the end of that year, Daniel was so frustrated with the problems with his care, including long wait times for appointments and turnover in health care providers, that he sought treatment from outside providers at his own expense. From time to time he attempted to re-enter the Veterans Affairs system, only to experience the persistent problems of access and availability.
Daniel took his own life on June 10 of this year, a block and a half from his Phoenix home. He left the family a letter listing the many roadblocks to care he had encountered in the Veterans Affairs system.
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